


The Fear of Comparison

by payneinmybutt



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: Blow Jobs, M/M, jarlos friendship, jealous kendall, kenlos, kogan friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-18 03:08:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/874946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/payneinmybutt/pseuds/payneinmybutt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity." – Robert. A. Heinlein. He belongs to Kendall, not anyone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fear of Comparison

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, jealous Kendall is my favourite thing, so I give you this :)

Most people thought Kendall was so sure of himself. Confident, without being cocky, happy in his skin. But what most people didn't know was that Kendall didn't always feel that way. Especially when it came to his and Carlos' relationship. After all, Carlos was this amazing creation, who in Kendall's mind, didn't have a single flaw. How could someone so beautiful, so perfect, want to be with him? It just didn't make sense. Well, maybe Kendall was right after all this time because evidently Carlos didn't want to be with him anymore.

The two had had their fair share of arguments and fights like any healthy couple would, but this one? This one was bad. Because this time it wasn't just a 5 minute thing where they would kiss and make up straight away afterwards. Carlos had finally gotten fed up with Kendall's constant "you're a 10, I'm a 5, why are you with me?" Carlos couldn't understand why Kendall had never thought or at least said aloud any of these things when they were just best friends, so why now, that they were boyfriends, was it any different? So Carlos snapped. He yelled to Kendall that it was over, that them being together just wasn't working. And Kendall was mad. Not at Carlos, but at himself. He had made the one thing he feared most come true simply by believing it.

The breakup had happened 3 days ago. Logan and James wanted to stay out of it as best as they could, assuring both boys, that while they would be for them if they were hurting; they were not going to choose sides. Even though everyone knew that James would choose Carlos without a second thought and Logan, Kendall if forced to. That's the way it always had been before Kendall and Carlos had become a couple. Carlos, however, seemed to be taking the break up quite well, almost as if he and Kendall never dated and had just remained best friends. So, Kendall did his best to act the same. But he couldn't. It was too much. He couldn't let anyone else know that though. That's why when Logan found him spying on Carlos, not as inconspicuously as he might have thought; he asked him what the hell he was doing. Kendall ignored his question, swatted his hand at Logan and told him to go away. To which Logan rolled his eyes and went to find James to tell him about how Kendall maybe wasn't handling things as well as everyone had thought.

Kendall was horrified at the things he had been seeing over the last three days. Everyone seemed to be all over Carlos, boys  _and_ girls. That was his Carlos, how dare they? It had only gotten worse over the few days. Because at first, Carlos would just shrug off all the attention he was getting, but now, he was flirting back. What Kendall didn't know is that Carlos had been aware of Kendall spying this whole time. And at first, he was still upset about his breakup with Kendall, because after all, he loved Kendall, with all his heart and hadn't wanted to break up with him, he had just thought it was for the best, because they didn't fight nearly as much when they were 'just friends'. But as they days went on, he started getting more attention, noticed Kendall watching, and the feelings of sadness began to turn into feelings of anger. And he thought, fuck it, if Kendall thought Carlos was a 10 and way out of his league, then he sure as hell was gonna start acting like it. So, he thought he'd have a little fun. He sure as hell wasn't interested in any of the people flirting with him, but what he came to find out was that he was sure as hell enjoying the look on Kendall's face as he watched it. So, he kept doing it.

Kendall had never considered himself the jealous type. There was the whole Jett and Jo thing but that was based more on principle, he hadn't even liked Jo, he hated to admit it but he had simply used her to try and get over his feelings for Carlos.  _That really worked,_ he thought. So these feelings he had been having since he and Carlos started dating, were new to him. He couldn't quite place why he had suddenly started comparing himself to everyone else, why he assumed everyone that looked at Carlos wanted to get in his pants. He couldn't blame them, but still, they were his boyfriend's pants to get into. And that's when it all came crashing down for Kendall. Carlos wasn't his boyfriend anymore, because he had messed up, big time, no pun intended. And watching Carlos flirt back with all these other people was killing him, and he finally snapped, storming over to Carlos.

"Carlos! We need to talk, NOW!"

Carlos saw the look in Kendall's eye. A mixture of fury and desire and he knew he meant business. And truth be told, he'd wanted to talk to Kendall about something serious, anything but the small talk about hockey and corn dogs that they had been exchanging since the breakup, so he followed Kendall immediately. Surprisingly to Carlos, Kendall entered into the janitor's closet. Carlos had thought maybe Kendall would want to take this conversation to say, maybe the apartment, so he turned around slowly, closing the door behind him. As soon as the door closed, Kendall pushed Carlos against the door with force, straight away beginning to attack his lips.

And Carlos kissed right back, because frankly, the taste of Kendall's lips was something he missed more than he cared to admit. Kendall's hands started roaming up Carlos' shirt, holding firmly on his waist, Carlos moaning into the touch, gripping his arms around Kendall in reply, pulling him close. The two continuing to share a passionate kiss, until Kendall finally pulled away, placing his forehead against Carlos'. "You're mine. Only mine, do you hear me?" Kendall whispered, his breath ghosting over Carlos's lips. Carlos nodded quickly, his eyes begging for Kendall to continue this upstairs because he really didn't want to have sex in a supply closet. And Kendall understood immediately, grabbing Carlos's hand and dragging him up to the elevator, where thankfully nobody else was, so they could continue giving fervent kisses on their ride up to the second floor. When the elevator dinged open, James and Logan were standing on the other side about to go down and talk to Kendall and Carlos about their breakup, but were happy, as well as a little grossed out, to see that their best friends had clearly 'kissed and made up'. Kendall and Carlos hadn't even cared that they had been caught in full make out mode; they just pushed straight past their friends, running to get to the bedroom.

They crashed into their shared bedroom, Kendall flinging Carlos onto the bed, holding his arms above his head and once again connecting their lips. Kendall kneeling in between Carlos's legs. Kendall let go of Carlos's arms to move to the hem of his shirt, slowly sliding it up Carlos's tan torso, revealing one of his favourite sites. Kendall attached his mouth to Carlos' nipple swirling his tongue over it. Carlos's hands grabbed onto Kendall's back, pulling Kendall's shirt off from behind. Kendall only lifted up his head long enough for the t-shirt to come over it, and then his mouth was straight back onto Carlos, giving open mouthed kisses all down his chest and stomach, leaving marks, reminding Carlos who it was he belonged to. After each kiss, moving his way down, Kendall would keep repeating the words "mine, all mine". Carlos moaned at both the words and the feeling of Kendall's lips attacking him.

Kendall finally reached the top of Carlos's pants and licked across the bit of skin right across the band of his pants. He slowly teased him with his tongue, gripping his sides. Carlos placed his hands over Kendall's begging him to undo his zipper. Kendall finally moved his hands over to work open Carlos's button and zipper, Carlos moving his hands to tug through Kendall's hair, keening while waiting for Kendall's mouth to finally go where he wanted it most. Kendall slowly, pulled down Carlos' jeans and boxers and gave a smirk to his lover.

"God Kendall, please, touch me"

Kendall wrapped his hand around the base of Carlos's cock and started pumping, thumbing the head on the upstroke, using the pre-cum to help his fist slide up and down Carlos's shaft. It wasn't enough, Carlos needed more. "Kendall, I want to fuck your mouth, let me fuck your mouth", Carlos panted. To which Kendall was happy to oblige. Kendall licked around the head, while keeping his hand in a steady motion. Carlos moaned in pleasure, gripping Kendall's hair tight. "C'mon baby, show me why I'm yours", Carlos begged. This shot a spark in Kendall and he immediately wrapped his whole mouth over Carlos' dick and started bobbing his head up and down, letting Carlos push into him for as much pleasure as he wanted. Carlos continued to fuck Kendall's mouth, moaning his name.

"Kendall, fuck, Kendall"

The sound of Carlos' moans made Kendall's dick even harder and he couldn't neglect it any longer, so he moved one hand off Carlos's hips and onto his own cock, stroking himself in rhythm to Carlos's thrusts into his mouth.

"Carino! I'm gonna come!" Carlos shouted as he came into Kendall's mouth, Kendall swallowing every last bit like a trooper. Kendall pulled of Carlos's dick with a pop, whilst still attempting to finish himself off, when once Carlos had started functioning again he slapped Kendall's hand away and finished Kendall off himself, Kendall coming with a yell of Carlos' name escaping his lips. He then flopped down to Carlos's side, kissing him slowly and calmly.

"Maybe you being jealous isn't such a bad thing, that was the best blow job I've ever had" Carlos complimented after Kendall finished kissing him. Kendall looked over at Carlos with a grin and wrapped his arm around Carlos contently.

Word travelled around fast that Kendall and Carlos were back together and all the people that had been flirting with Carlos for those three days he was available were a little disappointed but happy for the couple nonetheless. The thing is, they still looked, which Kendall didn't like. All his feelings of inadequacy kept crawling back every time someone so much as looked at Carlos. Luckily for him, time after time, Carlos was so turned on by Kendall's jealousy that it always ended up with them having great sex afterwards and Kendall fervently claiming that Carlos was his and only his.

The problem with solving everything with sex, however, is that you never really get to the root of the issue and Kendall still feels shitty, no matter how great the sex is. He still feels like Carlos is too good for him and is going to find someone else better. For the most part, the only thing that keeps his feelings at bay is not the sex, but the fact that there isn't much competition at the Palmwoods. Guitar Dude was a stoner, Jett a douchebag, Tyler was a child, and Kendall knew that Carlos never  _really_ was attracted to girls. So, he settled, knowing that at least he was Carlos's safety net if he couldn't be anything more. The only eligible bachelors around the Palmwoods were James and Logan. And he knew that they would never even try to steal Carlos from him. Or would they?

Carlos had been spending a lot of times with James lately. Not anymore than he was with Kendall, but still, the blonde was beginning to get suspicious. He had managed to fight off all the other guys begging for Carlos' attention with great sex, but he was beginning to worry that James could offer Carlos a lot more than he could. He was way more good looking and he liked all the same things both Carlos and Kendall like, hockey, food, pranks, singing, you name it. He was essentially a better version of Kendall. James and Carlos had always been close, come to think of it before Carlos and Kendall had gotten together, there was never a time went it wasn't James and Carlos. Kendall ignored the fact that it was the same with him and Logan, even after Logan pointed that out to him. Telling him there was no way Carlos, or James for that matter would ever do such a thing to hurt him. But Kendall couldn't help being paranoid, but for the moment he let sleeping dogs lie.

Until one night by the fire pit. They were having one of their regular jam sessions, just the four of them, singing along to Stuck, Kendall with his hand on Carlos's thigh when James put his arm around Carlos for a part of the song. Kendall was attacked by the green monster. He stopped playing his guitar, stood up and smashed it on the ground. The others looked at him dumbstruck.

"HOW COULD YOU?! WITH JAMES OF ALL PEOPLE…YOU SAID YOU WERE MINE, AND ONLY MINE, AND NOW YOUR FUCKING JAMES AREN'T YOU, LIKE THE LITTLE SLUT YOU ARE! I HATE YOU CARLOS GARCIA, I WISH I NEVER MET YOU!" Kendall yelled in a fit of jealous rage, storming off to the apartment in tears. James awkwardly pulling his arm off of Carlos and dropping it by his side with a mumbled 'okay then' and Logan just scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. Carlos' eyes followed Kendall with a look of anger and he stormed off after him. Logan and James looking at each other wondering if they were gonna come back from this one.

"KENDALL DONALD KNIGHT! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" Carlos yelled when he caught up with Kendall running up the stairs to the apartment. Luckily for them nobody ever used the staircase.

Kendall attacked Carlos lips once again like he did every time he got jealous. But this time, Carlos pushed him back, shaking his head. "Not this time Kendall, no amount of kisses or sex is gonna make this okay" and he continued up the stairs to the apartment.

Kendall was distraught. What had he done? It was bad enough last time, they had broken up, what was gonna happen after this doozy. Kendall finally came back to reality and ran the rest of the way up the stairs chasing Carlos. Finding him in their room, holding his pillow, with his knees up to his chest, crying. "Carlos, I'm so sorry"

"Go away! I don't want to talk to you" Carlos said pushing Kendall away from his as he sat down on the bed next to the crying teen.

"It's my room too. You can't make me leave"

"Yeah, but I can leave" Carlos stood up ready to leave the room and go sit on the balcony. As he walked out he turned to Kendall and said "I just don't get it Kendall, I  _love you,_ and you don't even trust me with my best friend, who also happens to be  _your_ best friend too. Maybe this time we really should stay broken up"

"No. Please. Give me one more chance", Kendall begged, pulling Carlos back down onto the bed.

"I dunno Kendall, so you can just accuse me of cheating on you with James again or even Logan if he, I don't know, god forbid, gives me a high five or something?"

"Please, just let me explain everything". Carlos had to give Kendall that much, he wasn't going to throw away the love of his life without an explanation. So he sat back down, putting his arm around Kendall's lower back in comfort because he had suddenly seen how upset he had gotten. He looked up at Kendall's sad eyes with questioning ones. "Tell me what's going on in that pretty little head of yours" Carlos prodded.

"It's not that I don't trust you, or James for that matter, it's just…" Kendall began, looking defeated. "What Kendall? You can tell me anything, you have to know that".

"I know you hate it when I say it, but it's just, to me, you are way too perfect to ever be with someone like me. The way your face lights up with excitement at even the smallest of things, the way your eyes crinkle up when you laugh, the way you have to stand on your tippy toes to kiss me. Everything about you is perfect and I hate that I don't deserve someone like you because you are all I ever wanted. I'm stubborn, short-tempered, messy and I'm not exactly what one would call handsome, I mean, look at these eyebrows. I figured for everything you like about me, there is something you hate, and that someone like James has all my good qualities, without all the bad ones" Kendall finished with a sad look on his face.

"Someone like you? What you see as stubborn, short-tempered and messy, I see as determined *kiss*, passionate *kiss*, and creative *kiss*. And as for you not being handsome, now you know that's a lie. Those green eyes that make me melt those blonde locks that I love running my fingers through, and those eyebrows, damn boy" Kendall giggled at the face Carlos pulled when he said that. "And look, I love James, he's my best friend, always has been, always will be, but he has NOTHING on you. He doesn't have your cleverness, he can't wrap his arms around me and make me feel safe like you can, and not that I know from experience, but I sure as hell bet he can't deep throat like you can" Carlos once again electing a laugh from Kendall. "And one last thing that you have that James doesn't…"

"What?"

"Me…and he never will, because I will be yours as long as you want me to be. I promise you that. Nobody is gonna take me from you as long as you don't push me away."

Kendall smiled at his boyfriend, hugging him tight, smooshing his face into his shoulder. "I love you so much Carlos"

"I love you too, hermoso".

**Author's Note:**

> So, I know that whole blow job scene was crappy, so if anyone, I mean anyone wants to write me a proper smut scene occurring after Kendall gets jealous that would be much appreciated. (Keeping it Kenlos if you love me)


End file.
